People with herpes should wear stickers.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
