whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
