Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
