apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
