threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
