So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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