i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
