You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
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