Do you still have your period?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
