I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
