I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
