Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
