Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
