My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
