Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
