Can Purell be used as lube?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Randomize
