Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
