so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Your cock deserves a montage
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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