So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
