Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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