How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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