Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
