I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
if only i could text you this smell
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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