Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
