I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
