I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
