The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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