she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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