life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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