im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
