I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
