I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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