I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
