We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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