I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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