i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
