Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
