My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
