Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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