I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
