u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
