it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
