Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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