we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
