Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
