my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
