i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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