John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
