Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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