I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I just googled if crying burns calories
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
