Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
