Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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